WithoutaName

The struggle swallows me. Still, I endeavor the grips of trying. The lost solitudes of denying; it saddens me, depresses me, wears me down, tears me apart. I am denied the things provided others whom create; the resources, the connections, the pathways to recognition-the success.

Without such elements from where comes acknowledgement. I love my craft, the things that I do; true, it pays me nothing. The joy of creation embraces me, fills me, feeds the hunger inside my penniless pockets. Perhaps, joy is not enough. In the world of a name, I have none; I am poor, an unknown, a nobody. Still, I try. (I try.) But without a moniker, a beacon to cast an alluring light upon my skills who am I, and what would I be? What could I become?

Without acknowledgement creativity is difficult. Could the diamond exist without coal and years of extreme pressure; the winds without angelic inspiration; the world without a place to put it?

At times and no matter my love of writing, expressing, thinking, even the love is lost. The breath that I breathe suffers to live inside me. How lives the craft inside such emptiness? Without, (without) someone to tell me, to feel me, to hold me inside his, or, her thinking, how then does my thinking, my feelings inspire me?

I linger: the teetering rock pressing the void; a void of endless waiting, wondering, never knowing the time of its end. I am the dangling participle, incompleted in thought and deed; the feather aimlessly floating without a place to settle. I drift upon wistful winds, the flight is endlessly wasteful.

I love writing: it provides me a vehicle of expression, happiness; offers me a voice within a maze of tunnels and labyrinths, skyrocketing downward (“downward”) into a world of words; mysteries that could never surface without identities.

Without a name and regardless of my love of the craft, how then do I identify it; and what (“what?”) do I call it?

Copyright (c) 2015 Delbert H. Rhodes

“A Successful Failure”

By Delbert H. Rhodes

 

Failure is the condiment that gives success it...

The impressions abound; all around me are images of success. The actors, the musicians, the teachers, the doctors, even the politicians. Somehow it seems the link to achievement is above me, out of reach. Yes, and I know, “Life is what you make it. If you want something then go out and get it. Nothing is gained without hard work. And perhaps you are (just) too lazy.”

True… and though knowing is supposed to provide the energies the fortitude the will the drive to make dreams and wants and needs real, somehow sometimes knowing is simply not enough.

How many times has the question been asked, “Why is it that some people prosper; complete tasks, and no matter the difficulty, realize their dreams ?” (And) though the answers are many: one suffices the question, the difference is found within “YOU.”

My life has been filled by forever finishing last. No, not because being on the bottom is my desire,  and certainly never because I fail to try, but because it somehow seems to occur.

In college, I was a poor student. Though I attended the classes and dutifully listened to the professors, and studied hard; not to mention “living” in the Library, still in the end to be left without productivity. The trees in my orchard bore strong protective bark but their limbs were empty and fruitless.

Academically I was unsuited to the college environment, lacking the tools for the trade I scored lower than other students. Did I always score poorly? No, but more often than not. Though embarrassed and armed with intense pride, I was lost with failure in sight. Fortunately before the school years ended I began to find my way, and though emotionally it helped to raise my confidence academically my grades suffered.

Many details attributed to my poor performance in school, other than lacking academic tools, but and ultimately the faults were mine, resting comfortably upon my shoulders.

The years are witness to my nagging uncertainty of what from life I want. Peering through a scope of confusion I see only the stain of mediocrity. For less of fulfillment I have only me to blame.

Today, still I feel unaccomplished and unhappy; and though I strive to reach out, to actively  grasp the cord of achievement, it escapes me. Somehow something holds me back prevents maybe REFUSES to let me move forward; to become successful to feel happiness.

Knowing this and unless the invisible veil is clarified, unless it is identified and peeled away, I would “truly” never know prosperity. The end of my days would bear witness to my living as a SUCCESSFUL FAILURE.

Yet too it must be acknowledged that (perhaps) the greatest personal failure is striving to meet standards set by others; aspiring to goals foreign to self.

For although many interpretations exist for what is ACCOMPLISHMENT, what is SUCCESS, ultimately and personally, the most important standards interpretations and aspirations, are those created by and meaningful to “YOU.”

Copyright 2011 Delbert H. Rhodes