An Illuminating Darkness

One man, one moment, a storm, and the intensity of insight.

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Incoming waves thrash an old seawall as, once more, its timbers stand. The howling winds uproot trees, exploding their bodies into the air. Thunder cracks, the sky falls, and strings of light brighten the darkness. The ferocious storm rips the night; and I am incredulous of and at a loss to define, the vestiges, the mysteries of purity, paradox and power. Such magnificence could do less than mystify and although the allure sweeps me away, considerations of another passion intrude. I love my profession; but lately, and unfortunately, it feels less exciting, unimportant, and even undesirable.

What once was, now, decays; and beneath it all, somehow, I must understand. The mighty pool rises, dismantling the seawall; and as its timbers tumble, I am reminded that of all we  are, all we may be, and no matter what defines us, but one force determines human existence; and, it is not man. For, and as shown here, one breath of nature not only escalates, but devastates us; and although sucking her breasts is sweet, we must carefully cling; and ever be wary and respectful of her will. She is Mother.

(I scurry to shelter, the salty air inflating my lungs; and although exhilarated, I am saddened that professionally, I cannot breath. Strangely, by searching the mind I find the heart.)

The intensity of the storm does not diminish hunger; and although, spectrally, the Seagulls are shadows, their squeals resound clearly. One imagines the peril the birds face, as hunger drives them, deeply, into the seas. Tonight: The magnitude of a harsh climate curtseys to the majesty of the Celestials, as everywhere, the stars remain visible. This tender tapestry, this enigma, is almost unimaginable, unthinkable and even unbelievable.

This is Nature’s Stage: (And) a play written by forces greater (much greater) than man and elementally cast by characters whose names, truly, he could never know but applied to them so as to distract him (?) from the one truth he, actually, shares. His quests to understand, and even to help and although gallant, often demonstrate pretentiousness, self aggrandizement, rude awakenings, and sometimes, deceit Yet: Man struggles (he struggles) to persevere: Questions forever answers forever questions…forever…

Before me reign natural, and by some, even questionable events; and while inside me, live surging, conflicting emotions, adjoined by the occasional relishes of rage, I cannot help but wonder.

Honestly: How controlling of natural forces is man; and how forceful is he of him?

Thunder rakes the skies, immersing the canvas with an illuminating darkness; and as I observe the reparations, that is to say, how everything returns to its meaningful place, its natural place, somehow, (somehow?) it all… makes… sense.

Copyright (c) 2017 Delbert H. Rhodes

“In a Misty Fog”

English: Wellhaugh A misty morning on the road...

By Delbert H. Rhodes

Exiting the highway and driving down the off ramp, the stoplight turns red. The day is bright with a little sun and I have enjoyed my workout. I did a little shopping, I rarely purchase much, just the things I truly need. I live alone and knowing how to prepare foods is a dire necessity.

I look forward to a steaming shower, and then relaxing to quiet music and a bite to eat. Probably I would tune in Nora Jones and Phoebe Snow and then Ray LaMontagne. These balladeers serve to soothe my aching soul though they turn my emotions upside down.

Behind me traffic has not begun to buildup, and the traffic light seems to want to keep me on the off ramp for a while.

Therefore, I sit thinking, touching my thoughts saddens me. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is uncertain. Today, something (nearby) distracts my attentiveness, reshaping my mindset.

A poor man sits on the guardrail to my left. He holds a sign bearing words of need. The man is dirty and greasy his hair hangs limply about his head and his clothing could benefit from a good washing.

“I need money for food,” reads the words, the sign dangling from a weary hand and arm. Sitting in my car and appearing insulated and protected, privately, I (too) feel the sad man’s pain, his (diminished) prideful plea for help. I too know the pangs of hunger, I have been there, I too share his pain suffering and desolation.

After all: who are we to believe that these things live (so) far away; any moment circumstances could deliver changes too hurtful to dare to consider: too destructive to allow us life.

Yes, the man and I are different people; but and unknowingly to him, we share the broken ladders of life and the fall of fate. Today he is on public display, and depending, tomorrow it could be my turn. Pitiful as the man’s situation is, does pity actually benefit anyone, and how does it aid the needy? Most times, and truly, pity is self-serving. This mechanism is selfish, serving only to hurt the help.

This man cries for aid, how he would obtain it is out of my control. I wonder what I would do if I were he and could/would I survive the streets. Quickly and confidently, save criminality, I feel that I would meet the challenge. Naturally, this would be a life and style strange to me though one I think about daily.

The words written on the man’s cardboard sign are scribed in magic marker. They touch me; compel me to act to help. Though I could do little still I call to him. The stoplight threatening green, the tired man makes his way to my car. I ask, “Is this real?” “Are you [really] hurting?”

My twenty-dollar bill feeds a hungry hand. The man looks into my eyes saying, “God Bless You.” 

I say, “Good luck brother,” as he backs away.

Is he truly a vagabond, is this a guise a trick to separate money from the (feeling) public-maybe. More importantly, this is a situation any of us could suffer one day, any day even today. The gift is easy to give the sentiments are true his cry for help real (enough). I wish him well.

In life and sometimes: situations serve to test our hearts and minds; these beg us to consider the reconsideration, and then hand us brief moments to act-or not. Sometimes our choices leave us wanting to replay the scenes; but unlike Hollywood movies, or sporting events, there is no Director crying, “CUUUUT!” Or, a Newsman chanting, “Let’s go to the video tape!” No, the moments are entrusted to us, and we decide the endings. 

Over whining engines and street noise the man calls to me, “I’m out here, I’m homeless.”

I could not help wondering of his part in the play. What had he done or failed to do? Or was it simply a twist of fate, life’s roulette wheel spinning out of control. The misfortunate man’s name chosen by the wheel’s whirl of chance. Then from where or whom came the ear shattering cheers borne by the winners? For, to such an end how does or could anyone win?

Peering into the man’s sorrow, while he drapes the metal guardrail, I reply, “I understand, I’m not far [away] from you.” The traffic resumes its flow and streams across the intersection.

Looking over at the man, who, seemingly, is left to abandonment, paints an unpleasant image. The visage shrouds me in a clammy embrace. For this is not a sweet delicious imprint.

Preferably, and arguably by some: this is something to cover with canvas, cloaking social stain, hiding (any) political implication.

Does this man and others like him, speak to outcry national economic failure, and world market greed?

I wonder.

Uncertain of my words, the man cordially nods and gestures in acknowledgement. I stare into his eyes, I want him to know that I see him; his sentiments are received and appreciated.

Slowly, my car negotiates the tight left turn, its bumper inches away from the guardrail blocking the abutment. The careful maneuver permits the vehicle to the left safe passage into its lane. Seemingly, my car acts automatically, as though it has memory a human chip. One moment of caution renders a lifetime of care.

I pass beneath the elevated highway to the Newburgh Beacon Bridge. In the northbound traffic, my car gets a wind wash. Probably, I should take a drive often, this way the car stays clean. These days, car care is not at the top of my ‘must do’ list.

Ever so slightly, I turn to see the driver in the left lane. The man shifts in his seat a little, but never returns a glance. He does not seem to notice my scrutiny of him. This man drives without distraction, or so it appears.

Sometimes I sneak peek drivers, though I never intend intrusion, I do this because of the moment, the need to make everything and every person real. Did you ever consider the number of people you bypass without (even) looking at them? Doing it differently “sometimes” makes a difference, changing moments and lives.

I return to thoughts of home and rest. Still, the face of the broken man remains in my mind; I believe I know him. He seems as someone I might have known from earlier days.

Though clarity hangs in a misty fog, one absolute exists, in another time; in a future time, possibly, this man could be me.

(And you?)

Copyright 2012 Delbert H. Rhodes


The Beggar inside Me: The Signs and Symbols

WAIT HERE I HAVE GONE TO GET HELP

By Delbert H. Rhodes

 

” EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME SIR “

 A brightly lit southern morning and I have completed shopping. While busied by my thoughts a ragged man calls to me in the store parking-lot. Wal-Mart is a great place to shop, they have everything I need and at wonderful prices. I left my job not too long ago and money now is tight.

“Excuse me, sir,” the man continues to impose while walking next to me. The poor guy appears as though he has not eaten in days. “Excuse me sir, but do you have a couple of dollars so I can buy some chicken?” he repeats while holding out his hand to me. The man’s eyes are sad and depressed, and other things I care not to observe seem to stare at me. I continue to walk though I make eye contact letting Mr. Give Me Two Dollars know that I see him; he keeps stride with me.

What is it with these types, do they actually believe, no, do they feel that everybody wearing decent clothing owes them something? By the way Mr. Beggar Man I too have issues. Oh, I get it, I have (just) left a store, my carriage is filled with food; and therefore, I should share my hard-earned goods with you…and anybody else looking for handouts! Continuing to move away and attempting to add more air space between us, I tell the beggar, “Sorry I cannot help you.”

I spy my waiting vehicle a few parking spots away. Though the man surely heard my words, still he remains at my side, and I increase pace to get away from him. Finally, the vagabond peels off and returns to his spot in the parking lot.

Okay, I privately scorn, all the man asked for is a couple of dollars to buy chicken. Naturally, the thinking is: he would use the money for DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. No dice buddy not this time. Money is hard to come by and I certainly have none to throw away. Still as I stroll to my car I look over my shoulder thinking I should surrender the chicken in my shopping basket. At least he would have something to eat.

No, this too I could not do.

The drive home and I continue to think of the beggar, maybe after putting away my stuff, I should return to the parking lot and give the guy the chicken. After-all, I could simply go inside the store and buy more. No big deal. This too I fail or refuse to do.

If I am correct about the man’s true intentions then why do I feel so terrible?

This incident occurred more than ten years ago and somehow I am able to hear the beggar’s voice and more importantly, his eyes continue to affect me. They were blood-red and glazed by some sort of hell that most of us have yet to know. Let us hope to never know. Even then I sensed something familiar something too close for comfort.

Though I never surrendered to the beggars’ pleas: still I frustrate over how I could have (possibly) left him to hunger?

Sometimes I see me in his dread.

We: all of us are subject to falling; we must struggle to be attentive to the signs and symbols, they call to us.

Do You Ignore the Signs?
Copyright © 2011 Delbert H. Rhodes