By: Delbert H. Rhodes
This discussion represents simplistic momentary thinking about a complicated topic pondered by greater minds.
Truly, why do we do it?
Saying the following three words possibly could be one of the most confusing and misunderstood and even misguided things we humans share. The words, “I love you,” do a lot of things to a lot of people. Most-times and seemingly, the tendency is more deception than truth. Correct, I love you ends more in “feel” good than “real” good. Is there a difference, in my opinion YES?
Possibly, I love you serves to satisfy the situation. Have you or someone you know ever said; I love you, for immediate personal gratification or for future gain? Sometimes individuals simply have a need to hear the words. I love you is a great equalizer a wonderful tool to level the playing field. Common ground between couples married or not (quickly) surrenders beneath a pleasurable umbrella of psycho-emotional trappings.
Young lovers together for the first time and immersed by emotions, tend to do whatever comes naturally. Here and usually, the guy is the lever behind the teetering rock. “Oh sweetheart, you “know” that I love you….” and then maybe she (willingly) slides over the edge. Sometimes the girl and this has happened to me, needs to hear I love you before surrendering to something she too desires. “Just tell me you love me.” “So lie to me.”
Few guys refuse this offer-I did. You ask why. The reason: I truly cared for and (possibly) loved her too much to take advantage of her, even if she failed to realize the fact. Given proper situation mixed with hope and many times inexperience the curtains fall.
Older and more experienced couples are adept at the game. The wife, asking hubby for something might heighten moments of pleasure to lower his defenses. Hubby running for cover says I love you, dear, to hide.
Young, or, old married, or, unmarried, emotionally and physically, the search, and regarding male female attraction in the animal kingdom, truly is about sex or procreation. The strongest suitor wins the prize.
I love you, is the quickest path through the woods, it lowers the drawbridge, and unlocks the floodgates. Yes, while coursing the wanton waters, all tall and small ships are welcome and most times without lowering the mast.
(Let us never forget the “Take”: The unscrupulous say I love you to separate money from fools, or is it the other way around. Money is a prime mover to a place not too pretty, a place filled by those ready to show (you) the way.)
Doubtless, in the human arena, “I Love You”-emotionally, financially-is the greatest, most fulfilling game we play. Those in the business of promoting and supplying the equipment acquire huge profits. Our modes of dress, girls learning to apply make-up, guys adorning the physique, the choice of automobiles, how we speak move, even intellectual abilities in many ways translate into The Game. Time trains and tests one’s abilities; though, this game has no rules, and is never (completely) understood.
Where does truth live in the foray of foreplay and deception?
Years ago and after a long night on the town, a buddy and I leaned on my couch discussing the antics of love. After hours, it seemed, of pros and cons, to do’s and not to do’s, we agreed that ‘The game is not ‘playing’ the game.’ In other words, the better method of getting what one wants is to refuse to become a part of endless foreplay.
Love and Chess share similarities: each hosting a bed of strategies and tactics, determining outcomes. On the Chess table, the King falls; in Love, the Queen gives way.
In Chess, by feigning to one side of the table, and then successfully rallying the forces to another and unexpected side, the opposing King topples. Ironically, Chess is one of the oldest games of strategic warfare by feudal Lords.
Love too is a form of war, a war of pleasure; and similar to Chess, one of its many feigns is pretension. The female (Queen) permits the male to know she sees him, but ‘allows’ him to pursue her. During this period, the male must prove he is worthy.
If the female is desirable and smart, she is able to hold his attention, staying (just) far enough away to encourage his approach. If all proceeds as she intends, soon the male would be hers, and on her terms.
Alternately, if the male is smarter and understanding of female behavior, he ignores her causing her confusion, she then and “gracefully” returns the gesture (she clearly states her feelings), and then somewhere along the merry way, the victor reaps the spoils.
Additionally, and either directly or indirectly, both individuals share important information, assuring that all is never lost. Deceptively, the trick is to appear as disinterested as possible without chasing away the other person; even using the mechanics of jealousy to help things along.
Variations to the game occur; but still, the results are (sometimes) the same. The two unite to become ‘happily argumentative.’
The Chess table though deceptive also renders a form of truth, for those understanding the deeper objectives of the game. Truth: Knowledgeable players understand and therefore enter the game with three stages in mind; one, the Opening; two, the Mid Game; and three, the End Game: each stage representative and determines whether one or the other player would eventually win or lose.
Love too has three stages, one, Foreplay, two, “I’m Hot for You,” and three, the “You’ve Changed” stage, or the “Work” stage. In stage three individuals finally (begin to) see each other. The view sometimes may not be worth the climb. After trials and tribulations, the couple decides either to remain united, or, separate, (only) to begin the process with someone new. Or Not.
As with Chess individuals enter into relationships with the belief that the outcomes are worthy of the venture. The ultimate end is marriage and with children; and along the way, the individual variations could be as imaginable as they are manageable. There is but one definite, and that is, if things fail to work out the relationship disconnects.
Okay, earlier we spoke of truth. Saying I Love You occurs whenever someone has deep feelings for another person. All too often it is customary to (have to) “prove” one’s feelings. Throughout the relationship, couples (are expected to) behave in such ways, which demonstrate “YES, I DO LOVE YOU….SEEEEE!”
In search of assistance with relationships and building trust and saving marriages, individuals seek the comfortable couches of favorite and/ or well known Psyho-Therapists or Certified Counselors, and at great expense; these professional thinkers tell them (oops!), help them to understand the issues.
Perhaps the better mode would be-to-actually BECOME the one thing each partner wants…TRUST. This is a huge hurdle and most humans fail in the jump. Something about the run down the lane before engaging the apparatus (hurdle) interferes with facilitation, with truth.
I love you is powerful and rests deep within the recesses of one’s heart, and soul and from the inception in its expression should be sensed/felt by BOTH individuals. (Good luck with that (?). This mechanism removes the unnecessary behaviors of “proof” restoring and solidifying an immovable foundation more immortal than the Herculean Pillars. True Love is about FEELINGS not proving them.
Therefore, the next time he says, “I Love You,” and the first time she says, “I Love You, too” do not simply believe but FEEL it.
Truth of the matter: In the game of love the queries have no answers; and all willing to play must be willing to risk. At times, risks are great.
Copyright (c) 2012 Delbert H. Rhodes