“In a Misty Fog”

English: Wellhaugh A misty morning on the road...

By Delbert H. Rhodes

Exiting the highway and driving down the off ramp, the stoplight turns red. The day is bright with a little sun and I have enjoyed my workout. I did a little shopping, I rarely purchase much, just the things I truly need. I live alone and knowing how to prepare foods is a dire necessity.

I look forward to a steaming shower, and then relaxing to quiet music and a bite to eat. Probably I would tune in Nora Jones and Phoebe Snow and then Ray LaMontagne. These balladeers serve to soothe my aching soul though they turn my emotions upside down.

Behind me traffic has not begun to buildup, and the traffic light seems to want to keep me on the off ramp for a while.

Therefore, I sit thinking, touching my thoughts saddens me. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is uncertain. Today, something (nearby) distracts my attentiveness, reshaping my mindset.

A poor man sits on the guardrail to my left. He holds a sign bearing words of need. The man is dirty and greasy his hair hangs limply about his head and his clothing could benefit from a good washing.

“I need money for food,” reads the words, the sign dangling from a weary hand and arm. Sitting in my car and appearing insulated and protected, privately, I (too) feel the sad man’s pain, his (diminished) prideful plea for help. I too know the pangs of hunger, I have been there, I too share his pain suffering and desolation.

After all: who are we to believe that these things live (so) far away; any moment circumstances could deliver changes too hurtful to dare to consider: too destructive to allow us life.

Yes, the man and I are different people; but and unknowingly to him, we share the broken ladders of life and the fall of fate. Today he is on public display, and depending, tomorrow it could be my turn. Pitiful as the man’s situation is, does pity actually benefit anyone, and how does it aid the needy? Most times, and truly, pity is self-serving. This mechanism is selfish, serving only to hurt the help.

This man cries for aid, how he would obtain it is out of my control. I wonder what I would do if I were he and could/would I survive the streets. Quickly and confidently, save criminality, I feel that I would meet the challenge. Naturally, this would be a life and style strange to me though one I think about daily.

The words written on the man’s cardboard sign are scribed in magic marker. They touch me; compel me to act to help. Though I could do little still I call to him. The stoplight threatening green, the tired man makes his way to my car. I ask, “Is this real?” “Are you [really] hurting?”

My twenty-dollar bill feeds a hungry hand. The man looks into my eyes saying, “God Bless You.” 

I say, “Good luck brother,” as he backs away.

Is he truly a vagabond, is this a guise a trick to separate money from the (feeling) public-maybe. More importantly, this is a situation any of us could suffer one day, any day even today. The gift is easy to give the sentiments are true his cry for help real (enough). I wish him well.

In life and sometimes: situations serve to test our hearts and minds; these beg us to consider the reconsideration, and then hand us brief moments to act-or not. Sometimes our choices leave us wanting to replay the scenes; but unlike Hollywood movies, or sporting events, there is no Director crying, “CUUUUT!” Or, a Newsman chanting, “Let’s go to the video tape!” No, the moments are entrusted to us, and we decide the endings. 

Over whining engines and street noise the man calls to me, “I’m out here, I’m homeless.”

I could not help wondering of his part in the play. What had he done or failed to do? Or was it simply a twist of fate, life’s roulette wheel spinning out of control. The misfortunate man’s name chosen by the wheel’s whirl of chance. Then from where or whom came the ear shattering cheers borne by the winners? For, to such an end how does or could anyone win?

Peering into the man’s sorrow, while he drapes the metal guardrail, I reply, “I understand, I’m not far [away] from you.” The traffic resumes its flow and streams across the intersection.

Looking over at the man, who, seemingly, is left to abandonment, paints an unpleasant image. The visage shrouds me in a clammy embrace. For this is not a sweet delicious imprint.

Preferably, and arguably by some: this is something to cover with canvas, cloaking social stain, hiding (any) political implication.

Does this man and others like him, speak to outcry national economic failure, and world market greed?

I wonder.

Uncertain of my words, the man cordially nods and gestures in acknowledgement. I stare into his eyes, I want him to know that I see him; his sentiments are received and appreciated.

Slowly, my car negotiates the tight left turn, its bumper inches away from the guardrail blocking the abutment. The careful maneuver permits the vehicle to the left safe passage into its lane. Seemingly, my car acts automatically, as though it has memory a human chip. One moment of caution renders a lifetime of care.

I pass beneath the elevated highway to the Newburgh Beacon Bridge. In the northbound traffic, my car gets a wind wash. Probably, I should take a drive often, this way the car stays clean. These days, car care is not at the top of my ‘must do’ list.

Ever so slightly, I turn to see the driver in the left lane. The man shifts in his seat a little, but never returns a glance. He does not seem to notice my scrutiny of him. This man drives without distraction, or so it appears.

Sometimes I sneak peek drivers, though I never intend intrusion, I do this because of the moment, the need to make everything and every person real. Did you ever consider the number of people you bypass without (even) looking at them? Doing it differently “sometimes” makes a difference, changing moments and lives.

I return to thoughts of home and rest. Still, the face of the broken man remains in my mind; I believe I know him. He seems as someone I might have known from earlier days.

Though clarity hangs in a misty fog, one absolute exists, in another time; in a future time, possibly, this man could be me.

(And you?)

Copyright 2012 Delbert H. Rhodes


“A Scornful Disguise”

Sad man

By Delbert H. Rhodes

Tony has accomplished much in his life. He has the career the money the toys. He is nearing his late fifties and one thing continues to plague the man one thing (just) never seems to fit the puzzle.

Tony is a handsome guy and the ladies tend to favor him, but Tony has a difficult time with relationships. No matter how much he invests in them, time, anguish, sorrows; the end remains the same, failure.

The last woman he dated was beautiful, and though Tony never requires them to be of the movie star model type, she was “something.”

He thought that he had done (all) the right things, yet, still, she left him, and without telling the man why-what he did wrong.

Each night the stressed man suffers a worrisome sleep. He dreams of relationships, and though the dreams are different, the theme remains the same, he is pinning over another lost love, he feels betrayed.

Tony wakes never certain of the betrayal, he never knows whether it “truly” is the woman or him, he knows (only) how terribly lost and alone he feels.

Night after night Tony suffers these words:

My darling you said you loved me
In your arms, you held me close
So hungry and hurting to taste your love
I craved an overdose

Do you remember the night you kissed me
Beneath a star-lit sky
And the perfume of curious flowers
While clouds were floating by

And sweet the seductive moonlight
Touching and teasing our eyes
Then sadly, the moment shook us awake
To suffer a scornful disguise

The brilliantly dark betrayal
A tarnish forever to stain
So delicately tended and treated
A wound restoring the pain

Reflecting the broken mirror
An image doubtless I know
And risking to smile never dare I
My feelings surely to show

Without me your life you live
And happiness yours to keep
Alas, nestled upon your pristine pillow
My restless heart does sleep:

And so: Tony rends with a heartfelt plea… “If the answers live not in my dreams, then where are they to be found?”
Copyright 2012 Delbert H. Rhodes