Mutual Consent: Different Paths to the Same Place

Couple dansant à contre-jour

 By Delbert H. Rhodes

 Through a voice wrought with tremble, and a face awash with tears, still, she desires to please me. 

The darkness is black: a moonless night, our first time alone, we are almost invisible to our eyes. Leaning forward to kiss her, to my surprise her face is wet. Mixed with salty perspiration, cascading from her eyes is a waterfall of tears.

I ask, “Why are you crying?” she answers, “I don’t know.” Inside me, I know. I repeat the question; her answer remains evasive… “I don’t know.” I ask whether she really wants to have sex with me, and then her quivering response, “I guess so.” Later, and continuing to cry, she says, “If it is what you want.”

For her loyalty: I feel proud, for never sensing her distress, idiotic. I explain that sex with me is unnecessary, also, that all acts are per mutual consent. We share everything, and impose nothing. Then I hold her; and she continues to cry; however, from this moment we form a bond, and from it trust.

Is this a scene from a Hollywood movie: passion on the page of some romantic novel, perhaps, seduction from the Soaps, no. The drama above is a moment from my past. Why, you might ask, am I imposing upon you this weight? Answer: Venting. Yes, my Mea Culpa for past misdeeds, and the desire to reflect.

No, I am no Psychologist, Sociologist, or any “ologist” of any type. Then again, when considering one’s personal experiences, such titles are unnecessary. After all: without our personal experiences, from where come the needs, and or, credibility for the “ologists.” As are many of us, they too would be left unemployed. No, the reason for the mention is to present a question.

Yes, “Has this ever happened to you?”

Men: Have you ever found yourselves at the knife’s edge of decision? What was your choice?

Women: Has the blade’s edge ever threatened you? Have you ever felt its hot heinous bite?

In either case, my plead is twofold. First, to the men: Stop. Think. Choose. Secondly, women, if you have faced sexual violation seek help. Horrid as it may be, never to seek help serves only to protect the violator, leaving you to suffer.

Many years ago, and as a teenager, from an older boy I received advice. During a spree of bragging about my “exploits,” the older boy stops me, and pulls me aside. He says, “Del, don’t tell anybody what happens between you and your girlfriend. It is not nice. It is not fair to her. Keep it to yourself.”

Have I always remained true to his advice? No. Nonetheless, although I told, the ears were those of a “trusted” friend. Yeah, (you scorn); and whose ears did he trust? What is the point?

True, the infamous circle continues to turn, often spiraling out of control. The point is, because of the older boy I viewed relationships differently, became more responsible for my actions, ultimately, to do that which sometimes is difficult for boys; I made a choice, and chose to “grow up,” to mature. Slowly: and acknowledging that as do I, girls have feelings, I became more prudent; and therefore, protective.

The process of maturation is biochemical in nature; as such, and without intervention, Mother takes her course. Regardless of the age, acting responsibly is behavioral, a conscious inducement. As such, I became no hero, but more humane.

“Hey Writer, we all are human; therefore, contribute mistakes and misdeeds.”

Agreed, however, and furthering my point, for without change, or desire for change, there is none. In my early fifties, still, I am learning.

Gents/Ladies: remember, relationships involve two people; and both have feelings. From the female view, when giving herself to a man, she presents a special/cherished part; from her, a most valued part. I believe that sexual acts committed by women are expressions of sincerity. Here: recreation plays no part, women want understanding compassion tenderness and love. Men, failing to recognize this fact, cause women undue pain and hurt. Therefore, Men, try more understanding, more loving, more feeling.

From a man’s point of view, sexual encounters, also, are important. The factors may be different: possibly, sex is a feel good physical act; the…“Boy, does she look good!” indulgence, and of course, there is ego. Ask me where thinking, pride, feelings, and ego begin and end; I would rather explain Alien abduction. Here too, I am void expertise.

Oh! You exclaim, women never have sex because men look good, or simply because of the physical act? Of course, they do, and I concur. Alternately, they contend that we, men, value more the physical feel good part; consequently, causing them to feel abandoned. Afterwards, women desire sharing, cuddling, and closeness; inwardly, and sometimes expressively, some men desire to be left alone, relaxation, and sleep. Occasionally, maybe he simply has to leave.

Would you disagree that males tend to be visual/physical creatures; and females creatures of emotions, feelings and intuition.

“We all share these traits, Writer!”

True, but let’s face it guys, admit it, if she looks good, it matters not if she works on a garbage truck, and her face is covered with soot; it is, “OOOOObaby!!” That is to say, women place less on looks than men do, but more on worth of treatment.

The list of pros and cons, and variables, is endless, so, let us bottom-line it, women want men to share, feel and communicate. Men wonder what is there to talk about!

Therefore, and notwithstanding the great manifestations of men and women and although we have gone a long way, let us go farther. It matters not how distant the traverse, for, relationships, in the true sense, in human sense, are cooperative ventures, foundations formed of caring, trust and mutual consent.

Men, she is somebody’s daughter, sister, or mother. She deserves no less respect and dignity than your own. Women, despite the feminine desire to nurture, you too can be uncaring, inconsiderate and cruel.

Change many times can be uncomfortable and at times fearful; nevertheless, when ventured and gained, the results too can be wonderful.

The jury is out, how say you, Yea, or Nay.

According to the “ologists,” the brains of males and females have different wiring. Therefore, no matter the questions, we venture different paths to the answers.

The quest: notwithstanding its path, is arrival at the same place.

Whatever happened to the girl in the opening?

Well, as life would have it, eventually, we flew to different stars.

Sincerely, and wherever her twinkle, as in my own, I believe the event to be fresh in her mind. Additionally, to her, as with me, surely, and though bittersweet, the thought renders one reaction, a smile.

Further, when she cares enough to trust you; and he dares risk the waters of chance, within the embrace, feel ‘him,’ feel ‘her.’

Copyright © 2004 Delbert H. Rhodes

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