By Delbert H. Rhodes
I have lived now for shortly more than 60 years. I have borne the instructions of family, friends, religious institutions, school, and-you got it-love. Out of it all: I reason differently, sometimes subjectively or objectively depending on situation or need, and let us never forget truth.
I believe what is developing here is my attempt to demonstrate, to instruct if you would patience, tolerance, complaint, ultimately, and this is where it becomes testy, learning to live with a partner.
“Ok writer, and exactly where is this taking me?”
Thanks for your attentiveness and believe me, and I greatly appreciate your direct question.
Sometimes making a point is tiresome, as such dogmatically weighted discussions rhetorically bury focus. No, here, dogmatic zeal has a place, but with restriction. Instead, we will communicate, and offer points of view and then consider recommendations.
Scenario: A wife and husband argue about whom is more financially responsible in the marriage. The Wife demands, “I should only (have to) pay for electricity, shopping, and phone bills.” She fails to understand why Hubby feels differently, after-all, “You are the man of the house; and therefore, should shoulder the tougher finances.”
Hubby demands a split down the middle. He moans, “Sweetheart, in addition to our kids, we share everything in this marriage. Why is it so difficult for you to understand (this)?” Hubby wants to POW Wow every bill, and equally divide costs between her and him.
The Wife, still opposed, agrees (possibly) to reconsider. Yet, she “needs more time to think.”
(The Wife’s salary is larger; should this be a factor, and should it matter?)
Somewhere in this marriage, something went wrong. Possibly, the couple (initially) agreed that Hubby takes the larger portion of the bills, or, somehow it simply happened. Apparently, oversight or poor planning has infected the marriage, and ending with a crack in the chain.
Relationships suffer many pressures and “financial” pressures represent the greatest difficulties. Money problems are a festering sore decaying the wound. Marital (or non-marital) relations soon collapse if their foundations slowly dissolve. Issues must be attended and with timeliness, or the marriage witnesses failure.
“Yeah, OK, smart guy, and how would you resolve the issue (s)?”
The Problem: Well, and mind you, I am no trained marital counselor or psychotherapist, but in my “opinion,” the “problem” began at the beginning, when both partners failed to devise a working marital plan.
Recommendation: Our couple must alter the financial plan in favor of the marriage rather than individual preferences. Moreover, professional assistance from a financial planner provides non-biased expert resources.
Somewhere someone said, “Show me a man who fails to plan and I’ll show you a man who plans to fail.”
Summation: Planning for success is a proclamation needed in every human relationship, but living with a workable livable plan never guarantees living without difficulties, problems occur and recur. Preset goals and objectives; however, highlight clearly identifiable and modifiable tasks; in every relationship, these are the keys to sharing a sustainable progressive happiness.
Question: Without resolution, but continued financial stress, is the above scenario a positive environment for domestic violence, and other forms of abuse?”
Why not permit someone else’s opinion.
Copyright © 2011-2014 Delbert H. Rhodes